her facebook's as public as her vagina
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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