I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have post one night stand depression
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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