I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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