Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
