I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
