The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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