Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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