I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
