I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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