"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
