So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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