guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
