those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
