My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're a waste of cheezeits
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
