i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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