no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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