just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
