nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
These tits shall not be calmed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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