Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are two peas in an std pod
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
