i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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