I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
