And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
