the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
