She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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