whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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