dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
