final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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