why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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