Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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