best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
