I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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