so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
