She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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