So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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