I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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