listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
