When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
