i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
