He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
