i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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