You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
