im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
