I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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