This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
