omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize