Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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