Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
