and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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