I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
