HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
