you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
