Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
