i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
