lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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