I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
