this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
