hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
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When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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