last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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