ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize