That's intense
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
