I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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