I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize