no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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