my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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