I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
