I think im going to throw up on grandma
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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