dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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