apparently the secret to your success is patron
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
