One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
