Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
