i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
